For two years, I stayed in a one sided, toxic relationship where I was constantly gaslighted, verbally attacked and even told to leave in the middle of a pandemic with nowhere to go. But I stayed after I moved out. I had convinced myself that he would change because I loved him so much.
He likened me fighting for this relationship to holding on to a rope that is wrapped around your wrist, cutting off your circulation. You need to let it go or you will cause irreversible damage.
I will be the first to admit that I let go of so many red flags. And he would always convince me that he didn't say or do what I was upset about, so for about a year, I began documenting those instances for my sanity. I recorded a few of his rants, screenshot a few of the texts and wrote down everything.
My "last straw" was when we had an argument and he pushed me to the ground and told me that I'm messed up because I didn't have my father growing up. I moved out quietly and stayed with a friend until my room was ready in a new place.
But of course, he apologized and said things would change. Why did I believe that? So we went back to the relationship. Same things all over again. Having him kick me out the car in the middle of nowhere in Georgia should have been IT. But I kept fooling myself.
It was always a struggle for me to have him accept my feelings. Like the time when I took him out for his birthday weekend, paid for everything and he still spoke to me aggressively. He told me that we needed to contact someone else (because my feelings were not valid). When we did, that person agreed that he needed to be careful about his tone in speaking to women.
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