I'm sure you've heard "Nothing Good Happens After 12 AM". Well let me change that up. "Nothing Good Happens After 1AM When You Receive An Unexpected Phone Call"
Think about it. If someone is calling you out of the blue at 1AM,chances are that A. someone died or is in the hospital, B. The ex that you would least like to hear from is calling or C. someone has the wrong number.....and they're drunk (which isn't the worst thing on this list but its still annoying).
Guess which one I got?
B. The ex that I despised, the ex that ripped my self-esteem into shreds, the ex that ripped a huge gaping hole into my trust and shook my very foundation as a woman was calling me at 1:05AM.
I looked at the phone and then back at my computer screen.It stopped vibrating and the screen had gone blank. I smirked and continued what I was doing. But when the phone started vibrating again, I huffed and rolled over to answer it in the rudest way possible.
He was calm and poised, ignoring my snarkiness and foul language,informing me that he was sitting with a detective and that I was a suspect in his home being burglarized.
In the total 5 minute phone call, I spoke to my ex maybe 1 minute before he handed the phone to the officer.
But this call broke me all over again. Hearing him speak so calmly, tossing me back into the past, ripping out the stitches of my self-worth, questioning myself: why I didn't deserve to be loved, why he did what he did to me....
Even as I write this, that feeling still lingers. But I know what to do.
2017 has been a journey of me being kind to myself, learning how to be alone and recognizing my self worth. When this happened, I wanted the support of friends. I didn't get that. So I am determined to be my own comfort. Every instant of self-reflection is not brought on by something positive. Most times, pain is what triggers us to be better. I don't have all the answers but I don't intend on giving up yet. No matter how much it hurts.
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